Rarely do I do this…

But today I’ve been reminded, more or less, about the significance of life. It is not about ending up at point B…rather it’s how I got from point A to point B to begin with. And how I got there was through the decisions I consciously made. When the chips fall down I ask do I get back up and say it’s not over? Or do I submit to defeat and accept what life has to offer? Why not get back up and accept life anyway?

My point, source of enlightenment I aim to reach at is that to end up at point B, I must believe. I must believe in my capabilities of reaching point B. Point B is an arbitrary point, it can be a goal, a dream, a career path, whatever. What I’m trying to get at is that at times we seem to lose sight of the point, end game.

What happens then? Do we allow ourselves to suffer more just because we waver off track?

No. When we reach out for help, help comes in many forms. I have to take the initiative to accept it and roll with it. Countless number of times I have hid in shame, rejection. Countless times I have overlooked the answer when the answer was standing there right in front of me, a text message in sight.

So what is it that I’m trying to say?

EVERYTHING and NOTHING all at once.

Without one another we can’t exist. Without the exchange of ideas and creative ingenuity, humanity wouldn’t be at the level we are at now. Suffice to say, some things are better NOT left alone. With that double negative put aside, I believe it is important that we continue to remind ourselves that point B will always be there…but the path can disappear if we are not too careful. If we aren’t too careful, people will begin to disappear, and then we have nothing.

Three things I’m grateful for today.

1.      1.  My brother helping me out

2.    2.    Not so bad grade I received…an 81 which would technically come out to be 83 once he regrades

3.       3. Renewed perspective on how to reach point B…Belief.

4.      4.  Ryann and her wisdom.

When the past hurts…

it purposefully picks a comfortable area of our brains and decides to reside there for a long period of time. Just when we think we’ve moved on these dormant thoughts well up, taking over any sound logical reasoning that dictates how we live our lives.

When the past hurts like this, it becomes hard to move on. It’s as if a part of us wants to hold on to those memories which brought forth much happiness. Yet at the present moment of time such happenings can never occur again because it is virtually impossible. Such memories are kept in the past.

What prevents us from moving on? 

Death.

Love.

Heartache.

People.

Regrets.

Pain.

The list goes on. How do we deal with these dire feelings? How does one move on?

The answer is not evident, but what I’ve come to learn is that time has the power. 

Providing a purpose for such pangs contributes to the solution. Why did they happen in the first place? Why did I survive that car crash? Why did she enter my life and leave so abruptly? How could he die without giving me that last answer I’ve sought out forever?

Adapting to new situations helps.

Allowing new people into our lives.

Sharing our pains with others, slowly letting out each painful thought to those people that matter.

Finally, love is the ultimate answer to our past. Without love for the people at the present moment, we get stuck with the hurtful past which commands our feelings. Love for our fellow man, love for our friends, our families, love for people that matter. 

Even though our problems may resemble the tip of an iceberg, what people don’t see is what sinks that titanic feeling of reason. Just remember, we are the captains of that ship and as long as we watch out for that iceberg and steer clear of it, we will be fine. We must be aware of who we let in and who we let go. Letting go is another story for another time…but for now let’s steer clear of our problems by trusting our heart.

{Love

Peace

Transquility

Purpose}

If I could I would…

love until I couldn’t love anymore, give my heart away to you, become vulnerable until I feel bare to the bone. 

But alas, that is nigh to impossible because in reality we do not allow ourselves to be so exposed. What tends to happen is as we grow older we go through experiences which condition us to be afraid of certain stimuli. 

For instance;

Johnny walks into a bar. Johnny sees a girl and instantly falls in love pouring out his all to her. The girl is not interested and throws her drink at this crazy guys face and runs out.

So breaking this hypothetical scenario down, Johnny has done nothing wrong except protest his love for somebody he’s never met. The girl has done nothing wrong except act out in defense, thus protecting herself and her well being from somebody she’s never met.

My point?

We go through life building walls due to negative happenings that may or may not affect our lives. In this scenario, Johnny will have inevitably built up a wall against any girl he feels like confessing his love to. When these walls are built it prevents us from seeing the whole picture of life, thus limiting our scope of view of what is right and what is wrong. We tend to see more and more things as being wrong. But who are we to judge what is right and wrong?

This is when gut feeling comes into play and we begin to trust our heart. It is ok to be bare and vulnerable to certain people as long as that trust exists not with that person but within ourselves. If we can trust ourselves, then the trust begins to form with the other person. 

I would rather not be a proponent of either love or not being loved, but I will say this. Trust is the most important component of love. Once that trust comes into existence, the love you thought you once had actually blossoms and matures into a beautiful concept. 

Love, tranquility, happiness.

In light of these thoughts…

Memories can never be shed

unless I were to actively drug myself stupid, experiences and poor choices remain in the past. And I’d like to keep it that way.

What irks me though is right when things are going well, people choose to ignore what is happening in the present, thus reactions of fear, uncertainty, and doubt well up, overtaking any sense of logical modes of action.

If it’s one lesson learned, life is too damn short to worry about the past. I have spent night and day thinking the what if. But I never could find the answers to the what ifs. In essence, life is about the now. Bob Marley said it best, In life i know, there’s lots of grief, but your love is my relief. That simple passage is up to interpretation but I interpret it as a love for humanity, a love for the present, a love for peace.

When people try and doubt you, bring you down, scorn you for your past misdeeds, just remember, they are not, and were never worth your time, money, or experiences. Rather, take time to let other people into your life, people who are not toxic and full of problems. By surrounding yourself with positive people, life’s true beauty begins to reveal itself.

Life is too short, I’d rather live it knowing I was the best RJ ever. 

Still Alice, an astounding novel of a prestigious woman’s fight against Alzheimer, chronicles Alice’s life and hardships with the conclusion of one message: Live for today, because one day everything we did in the past will never matter, unless those experiences were one of truth and love.  

When history repeats itself…

How righteous can one become when the answer was there all along?

How fruitless of an endeavor was it to be before the final countdown?

When did it all have to fall into pieces and pieces of a shattered mirror with one’s broken reflection looking back?

History tends to repeat itself and when it does it makes me wonder, why did I even bother?

To many I allude to nothing, to some people, it is a matter of interpretation. But I ask myself how did it all go wrong.

When you give your all into something, you expect a return in investment. Such is the way of economics. But when it comes to raw emotions and dealing with humans, such a law doesn’t exist, for too many variables come into play before a result occurs.

So, do I have anything to defend against? Nope. Do I have any regrets? Nope. Did I have my hopes set to high, sure did. But I will conclude with this.

Happiness occurs when one is happy with oneself. Until then, such happiness that happens is only arbitrary, a facade of fake emotions.

So when I say history repeats itself…take out one variable, does the present actually change? No because when two people have a history, the compromises and the heavy talks never really amount to anything except one.

Betrayal.

When history repeats itself be careful and observe it as it is. For the answer was there all along.

Con-Sider this

Life is said to continue on a linear path, almost like a set algorithm, with rules which to follow by. Time continues on this linear path, and we age accordingly.

I say that’s all bull. We exist, life exists, and life just is. The past is part of the present, and the present part of the future. Everything is one. What has happened is a part of today, and what will happen will be a part of the new day. 

Our bodies are nothing but a shell, a hard exterior with life trapped in it. We see the world in three dimensions, but what of the other dimensions that are not visible within our field of vision.

I believe, that because life is continuous and energy is never destroyed, we transform in death. Our energy becomes what we call a soul, and we continue on a different plane different from the reality we are used to now. Everything is infinite and continuous. 

A hundred years from now, what I do won’t have a major impact…but I argue that like the ripple effect, my decisions now will have an impact.

So consider this. We live life as if thinking that we need to accomplish goals, we all have a drive to find a purpose. But what if our purpose is something bigger, something incomprehensible, and what if life as we know it is nothing more than dimension preparing us for something bigger. 

So hear me out when I say, live life and enjoy it, because each day is precious to me, and I’m gonna have fun until my energy is transformed into something else…let my energy flow and continue on a path of elation.